Friday, August 31, 2012


  i heard a theory once on what happens after you die.......

The theory was that after you die you go to the Hall of Records, apparently a large greek columned building where you review what happened in your other lifetimes and then are allowed to write a script. The script is for your next lifetime, the one you enter into next.  In the script you place all of the difficulties than can happen to you in order to increase your karma.  Also in this script are written loopholes, loopholes are the chances you write in to leave the life early, basically bail if it gets too difficult and you want to yell "do-over" or "time-out".

Apparently I must have lived some wasteful lives in the past because the way I have been treated in this life and the difficulties I have had to endure are out of some melodramatic novel, not fit for real life.  I have had plenty of loopholes written in as well, starting when I was only 3 and threw myself off a balcony, I happened to be caught and lived, then the next was when our car was teetering halfway over the edge of pikes peak but the car was stopped just in time.  Then it was the high tide that I should have drowned in only to be rescued in time...well the list goes on and on and is quite melodramatic and inventive, apparently I was a writer even then.....

Today I wanted to die.  I am tired, tired of everything and everyone feeling they can treat me deplorably, tired of struggling, and tired of crying....I was wondering just where my loophole for today was?

But then I realized that was the point, all of those many loopholes and I hadn't taken a single one, I had so many it was almost like a Final Destination movie, yet not a single one taken.  I obviously can't make my own, it isn't playing by the here I still am....

1 comment:

  1. oh hun, I have days and weeks even when I feel exactly like this. Like, 'where is my loophole?! I want it! But I guess the time I tried to create my own loophole I was saved for a reason. Even if that reason is completely lost on me most of the time. Hang in there. if you're having more days like this, email me and we'll talk. xxx