DREAMS OF PERFECTION VS PERFECT DREAMS

I just spent years and years with an abusive man who never thought anything I did was good enough. I spent even earlier years with parents who never thought I had much in the intelligence department, it was my sister who was the brilliant one, I the pretty one so maybe I could just marry well - yeah right....

All those years of chasing perfection first to prove myself to my parents then to prove myself to the man I was married to and all it got me was a bad case of high blood pressure. My great revelation after the nervous breakdown I had from this constant chasing of a red balloon that was slightly always out of my grasp? That dreams of perfection are a joke, what matters is the perfect dreams or better yet the perfect moments in life that sneak up on you and suddenly everything glows.....


Now I am struggling on the "technical" portions of my classes, before I would have been sure I was a failure if I couldn't draw blueprints perfectly, now all I feel like doing is telling my teacher it doesn't matter, because what my perfect dreams tell me is that I can do this, it doesn't matter a damn bit on how well I draw blueprints. I have the ideas in my head, I have the eye for style and damn it I have good taste. LOL Now if I can just figure out how to make fabulous pay the bills.....LOL