Wednesday, November 26, 2014


You got these little things
You wanted something for them
You either get it or guess you won't
Well does it really mean
To get nothing from anyone
There's a million ways it could go

So tell me right now
You think you're ready for it
I wanna know
Why you got me going
So let's go
We'll take it out of here
I think I'm ready to leave
I'm ready to live

Panic at the Disco - Ready to Go

I am so out of here - at least in my mind anyway.  You can tell when I haven't even been blogging that I am in a bucket of deep despair.  I really want to get the hell out of Dodge (or actually Wisconsin) to at least hopefully have a shot at happiness.

I really need to get back to my art - it is the only thing that speaks to me, I am going to try to get some multimedia done as well as get some more chapters on the never ending novel written.   If I don't I feel as if I am going to fall down a deep well and not be able to climb out again.  There is literally nothing in life that makes me happy at this point, of course my children and I love them desperately but my life is a complete zero.  I feel like such a loser, like I will never have a house, never have a real life where I get to travel, and just fucking live a little.  Right now it is all hamster wheel god awful poverty, no real home just a crap ass apartment that I pay too much rent on from a slumlord, a car that they threaten to repossess every other day, a supposed partner that tends to forget he is with me and constantly needs reassurance of his manliness from other women so hence unfaithful and oh yeah brings next to no money in the house, an oldest child who refuses to speak to me though I have no idea why since the girlfriend I objected to is now his divorced exwife so yeah what the hell did I do so wrong, and lets see a job going fucking nowhere.

End of my rant....maybe tomorrow will be rose colored glasses but not today.\

No comments:

Post a Comment