RAIN, LEAVES, AND THE DAMN THANKSGIVING MENU

I am hating the way my life is going today. Nothing is working out as planned, like it ever would for me, but still a girl has to have something resembling hope right? Okay the good thing is the miserable rain and the wet slippery leaves which after a couple years in Seattle I actually enjoy. It is definitely a fall kinda vibe today which leads me after much ranting to the DAMN THANKSGIVING MENU. Don't get me wrong, I love love love Thanksgiving, I mean calorie fest eating and then shopping all night, a holiday doesn't get any better than that in my opinion. Cooking Thanksgiving kinda sucks though. I have to do it by myself because being stuck in the forsaken cold barren land that is Wisconsin, I have no cool, West Coast vibey, California family Thanksgivings coming my way anytime soon. Sigh....

So unto the DAMN THANKSGIVING MENU - I am all the way broke this year for the holidays, (I say this as if this is a new thing, NOT!). So I decided to be the Frugal Holiday Queen this year. That said, Thanksgiving is not a frugal holiday. In fact I probably spend the most than any other time of the year between the DAMN THANKSGIVING MENU and the Black Friday sales. So yeah, have I changed the menu this year to reflect this new Queen of Frugal? Of course not, I plan to just coupon lots and fly through it with style and poverty just as I do the rest of my life.

With no further ado - Here is THE DAMN THANKSGIVING MENU and accompanying recipes:

New Kinda Turkey I am trying
Honey Ham that claims to be like the Honey Ham store
Waldorf Salad with dried cranberries in it to make it holidayesque
Baked Macaroni and Cheese
Crockpot Garlic Mash Potatoes
Gravy that sounds easy to do
Sweet Potatoes with Marshmallows because it is illegal to make Thanksgiving without
Smothered Collard Greens with Cabbage same reason as sweet potatoes
Can of Jellied Cranberry Sauce because I love this disgusting thing
Jalapeno Cornbread Stuffing - Stovetop will be used along with sauted veggies I am not a martyr
Pillsbury Crescent Rolls - The Oh hell no I am not making homemade rolls after all that damn cooking
Pumpkin Pie - Because I NEED to pile this with whip creme and watch General Hospital
Zoe's Apple Crisp - Because Zoe is Lazy with a capital L so needs to do something to help and everyone loves her apple crisp!! LOL

New Kinda Turkey
(18 pound) whole turkey, neck and giblets removed
1 medium onion, peeled
1 large carrot, peeled
1 stalk celery
1 apple, stem removed
1 orange
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon coarsely ground black pepper
1 teaspoon soul food seasoning
1 pound sliced smoked bacon


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Rinse the turkey, pat dry and place in a large roasting pan. Insert the onion, carrot, and celery into the cavity of the bird. Poke holes in the apple and orange so they will release their juices, and stuff them into the bird. You may have to cut some things in half to get them all inside. Spread oil all over the outside of the bird, and season with salt, pepper and soul food seasoning. Place the turkey into an oven bag, and set back into the pan with the breast facing up. Lay strips of bacon over the entire top. Close the bag. Roast the turkey for about 4 hours, or until the internal temperature reaches 180 degrees F (82 degrees C) when taken in the thickest part of the thigh. Let the turkey rest for 10 or 15 minutes before carving, and use the drippings in your favorite gravy recipe.


Honey Glazed Ham

(5 pound) ready-to-eat ham
1/4 cup whole cloves
1/4 cup dark corn syrup
2 cups honey
2/3 cup butter

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).Score ham, and stud with the whole cloves. Place ham in foil lined pan.In the top half of a double boiler, heat the corn syrup, honey and butter. Keep glaze warm while baking ham. Brush glaze over ham, and bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes in the preheated oven. Baste ham every 10 to 15 minutes with the honey glaze. During the last 4 to 5 minutes of baking, turn on broiler to caramelize the glaze. Remove from oven, and let sit a few minutes before serving.

Waldorf Salad

1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon white sugar
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/8 teaspoon salt
3 apples -- peeled, cored, and chopped
1 cup thinly sliced celery
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1/2 cup craisins

In a medium bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, sugar, lemon juice, and salt.
Stir in the apples, celery, walnuts, and craisins. Chill until ready to serve.

Baked Macaroni and Cheese

(16 ounce) package macaroni
1 (10.75 ounce) can condensed Cheddar cheese soup
1 cup milk
1 pound shredded Colby cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain.
Place macaroni in a 2 quart casserole dish. Stir in cheese soup and milk until well combined. Sprinkle with shredded Colby.
Bake 25 to 30 minutes, or until cheese is brown and bubbly.

Sweet Potato Casserole

5 sweet potatoes, peeled and sliced
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup low fat margarine
2 tablespoons orange juice
2 pinches ground cinnamon
1 (10.5 ounce) package miniature marshmallows

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Boil sliced sweet potatoes in water until tender. Drain. In a large bowl, blend the potatoes until creamy. Stir in the butter, brown sugar, orange juice to taste and a dash of ground cinnamon.
Spread the sweet potato mixture into a 9x13 inch pan. Sprinkle the miniature marshmallows over the top and bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) until golden brown.

Slow Cooker Garlic Mashed Potatoes

2 pounds red potatoes, diced with peel
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup butter
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 cup milk, or as needed

Place the potatoes, water, and butter into a slow cooker. Season with salt, garlic powder, and pepper. Cover, and cook on Low for 7 hours, or High for 4 hours.
Mash potatoes with a masher or electric beater, adding the desired amount of milk to achieve a creamy consistency. Keep warm on low until serving.

Easy Turkey Gravy

5 cups turkey stock with pan drippings
1 (10.75 ounce) can condensed cream of chicken soup
1 teaspoon poultry seasoning
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon seasoned salt
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1 cup milk
1/3 cup all-purpose flour

Bring the turkey stock to a boil in a large saucepan. Stir in soup, and season with poultry seasoning, pepper, seasoned salt, and garlic powder. Reduce heat to low, and let simmer.
Warm the milk in the microwave, and whisk in the flour with a fork until there are no lumps. Return the gravy to a boil, and gradually stir in the milk mixture. Continue to cook, stirring constantly, for 1 minute, or until thickened. Be careful not to let the bottom scorch.

Smothered Collard Greens and Cabbage

1/2 pound bacon, chopped
1/2 large onion, chopped
5 leaves collard greens - rinsed, trimmed and chopped
salt and ground black pepper to taste
1 teaspoon greens seasoning, divided
1 head cabbage, chopped
1 pinch white sugar


Fry the bacon with the onion in a large skillet over medium heat until the bacon is crisp, about 10 minutes. Stir in the chopped collard greens, sprinkle with salt, black pepper, and 1/2 teaspoon of the greens seasoning; cook and stir for 5 minutes.
Add in the darker chopped cabbage leaves, and cook and stir until almost tender, about 5 minutes. Stir in the remaining cabbage; season with salt, black pepper, sugar, and the remaining greens seasoning. Stir well; cover and cook until tender, stirring occasionally so that the greens do not scorch, about 10 minutes.

Jalapeno Stuffing

3/4 cup butter, divided
1 1/2 cups coarsely chopped onion
2 jalapeno peppers, seeded and minced
1/2 pound spicy Italian sausage, casing removed
2 (6 ounce) package cornbread stuffing mix
3 cups dry bread crumbs
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 cups warm chicken stock
1 egg, beaten

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease one 9x9 inch pan.
In a heavy skillet, melt 8 tablespoons butter over low heat. Saute the onion and peppers until soft. Place sausage in skillet; crumble and cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Drain, and transfer to a large bowl.
Combine sausage mixture with stuffing mix, bread crumbs, chicken stock, egg, and salt and pepper. Mix well, and transfer dressing to prepared pan. Dot with remaining butter.
Bake for 45 minutes.

ZOE'S FAMOUS APPLE CRISP

2 Lg cans apple pie filling
3/4 cup butter (no substitutions)
1 cup sugar
1 cup flour
1/4 cup oatmeal (regular not instant)
1/2 tsp cinnamon

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Butter an 8in square baking dish. Spread apple filling in the bottom. Combine butter, sugar, and flour until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add oatmeal and cinnamon and mix again. Spread evenly over apples and bake until lightly browned about 35-45 minutes. Allow to cool slightly and serve warm with vanilla icecream on the side.

Libby's Famous Pumpkin Pie

(9 inch) unbaked deep dish pie crust
3/4 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
2 eggs
1 (15 ounce) can LIBBY'S(R) 100% Pure Pumpkin
1 (12 fluid ounce) can NESTLE(R) CARNATION(R) Evaporated Milk

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
Combine sugar, salt, cinnamon, ginger and cloves in small bowl. Beat eggs lightly in large bowl. Stir in pumpkin and sugar-spice mixture. Gradually stir in evaporated milk. Pour into pie shell.
Bake for 15 minutes. Reduce temperature to 350 degrees F.; bake for 40 to 50 minutes or until knife inserted near center comes out clean. Cool on wire rack for 2 hours. Serve immediately or refrigerate. (Do not freeze as this will cause the crust to separate from the filling.)